Broken: (McIntyre Security Bodyguard Series - Book 3) Read online

  “I dare you to move,” I growl at him. “All I need is an excuse to blow your head off.”

  The front porch light comes on, bathing us in the yellow light of an incandescent bulb. Shane steps out onto the porch, his hair mussed, wearing nothing but his unfastened jeans and an irritated expression. It’s pretty obvious we interrupted something. His gaze goes immediately to Jonah. “You okay, buddy?”

  “I’m fine,” Jonah snaps, apparently irritated but uninjured.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I shout at Shane over the sound of the approaching storm. “Did we interrupt something important?”

  “Funny, Lia.” He holds up the sat phone. “Mitch is on his way.”

  Chapter 32

  While we wait for the sheriff, I have to listen to Barker alternately whimpering, cursing, threatening me, and puking. Mitchell arrives about ten minutes later to apprehend Barker. With the guy’s broken wrist, he doesn’t even bother with handcuffs. After taking Jonah’s statement and mine, he arrests Barker for aggravated assault and battery with a deadly weapon. Those charges will most definitely land him in jail for quite a while. Then Mitchell loads Barker into the back of his cruiser and sets off for the nearest hospital to take care of the guy’s wrist, which is hanging at an odd angle and turning all sorts of pretty colors.

  Shane heads back to bed, most likely to resume whatever it was we interrupted. I walk over to Jonah, who’s looking at me with a sullen expression.

  I have no idea what his problem is. “What?”

  “I suppose you’re the type who runs into burning buildings, too.”

  “Yeah, so? Somebody’s got to do it. It might as well be me.”

  He shakes his head as he looms over me. “Barker had a fucking knife, Lia. He could have hurt you. You should have let me handle him.”

  “Oh, my God, are you serious? Have you been paying attention? He was here to hurt you, and it’s my job to protect you. Don’t expect me to sit back on my ass while you play the big he-man and handle the big scary thug. It’s not going to happen.”

  “That guy was twice your size!”

  “Yeah, and I disarmed him in four seconds. Did you notice that part?”

  It’s raining pretty hard now, and we run inside the cabin. Jonah stalks off to the back bedroom, and I lock up for the night and set the alarm system. No more surprises for us tonight. The rain’s really coming down now in sheets, and lightning lights up the night sky. There’s something pleasantly cozy about being locked up inside a snug cabin when all hell’s breaking loose outside.

  I head to the back bedroom and find Jonah standing at one of the windows, staring out at the rain. When I close the door behind me, he turns to face me. “Look, I know you’re trained in all sorts of martial arts, but God, Lia, it scared the shit out of me watching you go up against Barker alone. If something had happened to you – ”

  “If something had happened to me, it would have been my own damn fault for being too slow. Jonah, I can handle a punk like Barker with one hand tied behind my back. Honestly. There was nothing to worry about.” I grab a pair of shorts and a tank top to sleep in from my duffle bag and head into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

  The entire time I’m using the facilities and brushing my teeth, my mind replays the evening’s events, over and over. I’m pissed that Barker got the drop on us. He must have left a few minutes before we did and parked his vehicle in the woods nearby. When there was no sign of Barker out on the street back in town, I thought we were in the clear, but I was obviously wrong. I dropped my fucking guard too soon, and Jonah nearly got hurt because of it.

  When I open the bathroom door, Jonah’s standing right there with his arms braced on the door frame overhead, his biceps straining the fabric of his T-shirt. I love the black ink on his arms, those intricate and interlocking shapes and lines. I could spend an hour just studying his tats.

  Then my gaze goes to the dried spot of blood on his throat, which reminds me of how close he came to serious injury, or even death. If Barker had managed to really cut him.... Shit! I’m pissed at myself, and like an ass, I take it out on Jonah. “Now what!”

  He lowers his hands in a defensive posture and grins. “Whoa. Just waiting for my turn in the bathroom.”

  I push past Jonah and walk into the bedroom, while he disappears into the bathroom. I’m agitated, too restless to lie down or even contemplate trying to sleep. Antsy, I stalk over to the window and scan the rear yard, half expecting to see more assholes planning an attack. Sometimes it’s hard for me to dial down the adrenalin after an incident.

  I hear the toilet flush and then water running in the bathroom. This is a bad idea. I shouldn’t be sharing a room with him tonight. I’m still wound up and angry at myself for letting Barker get the drop on us, and Jonah’s probably in a bit of shock from what happened. Before he returns to the room, I slip out, quietly closing the bedroom door behind me, and head to the living room where there’s a perfectly good couch I can sleep on. I grab a spare pillow and bedding from the front closet and start making up my bed.

  Just as I’m spreading a sheet on the couch, Jonah slips his arms around my waist and draws me back against him. I look back at him, scowling, and notice he’s wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs.

  “Sleep with me, Lia.”

  “No.” My heart is pounding. This is definitely new territory for me, and I feel like we’re at some kind of crossroads. I’ve already broken my own rule – twice. I can justify that to myself, but if I go to bed with him again, then I can’t keep lying to myself. I want him. I want to be with him.

  “Please,” he says, his voice low and gentle.

  His body heat and scent are enveloping me, and I feel my knees going weak. I want to fall back into his arms, and that scares the daylights out of me. “No.” But God, I want to.

  “We need to talk,” he says, and then he sweeps me up into his arms and carries me back to the bedroom. I contemplate making him put me down, but in the end I don’t. I guess I’m too selfish. He sits me on the bed and stands facing me, his hands on his hips.

  “Talk about what?” I say, mulishly crossing my arms over my chest.

  “About you and me.” He leans forward, his face practically in mine. “About us.”

  I have to fight the urge to reach out and touch his face. “There is no us.”

  “That’s bullshit, Lia!”

  He said that loud enough to shake the rafters, and I swear I hear Shane chuckling in the other bedroom.

  Jonah must have heard him too, because he glances in the direction of the other bedroom, then back at me. “Sorry,” he whispers, and I laugh.

  He leans forward again and I fall back onto the mattress as he looms over me. He nuzzles the side of my neck, giving me warm, open mouthed kisses, and I can’t help giggling because I’m ticklish there.

  He raises his head and grins. “You were magnificent tonight, by the way,” he says, gazing down at me with a combination of lust and adoration. “I’m sorry I was an ass about it. I should have just said thank you.”

  “Just doing my – ”

  He presses a finger to my lips. “Don’t say it. Let me keep my illusions, please.”

  “What illusions?”

  “That you care about me.”

  “Jonah, of course I care about you.”

  “No, I mean really care about me. Like I’m a person to you, and not just a job. Like I’m a man you’d want to be with – not the guy you’re paid to be with.”

  The uncertainty in his eyes kills me. How can he even think that? Any woman would jump at the chance to be with him. That damn vice tightens even more around my heart, and I don’t think I can take much more before my heart shatters into a million pieces. Hot tears prick my eyes, and I wipe them away angrily. “You can have anyone, Jonah. Why would you waste your time on someone as broken as I am?”

  His expression falls. “You’re not broken.”

  “Yes, I am.” I push him back and rise to face him. �
��Of course I care about you,” I hiss, angered by the pain that’s swamping me, threatening to choke me. I hurt all over, every inch of me hurts, inside and out, and it’s so reminiscent of before. Logan betrayed me, and it almost killed me. I’d never survive if Jonah did the same. Hot tears stream down my face, and that only pisses me off even more.

  Jonah reaches for me. “Lia – ”

  I back away, raising my hands up like shields. “I can’t do this, Jonah. I can’t do relationships. Fucking, fine. I have needs too. But this – the emotional stuff? No. I can’t do this. I told you, I’m broken.”

  Jonah’s arms fall to his sides and he looks gutted.

  “And I sure as hell don’t need your fucking pity!” I hiss at him, heading for the door.

  Jonah snags me with his arms and hauls me back to the bed. He sits down and pulls me to stand between his legs, so we’re face to face. “Talk to me, Lia. What the hell is going on in your thick skull? Why do you think you’re broken?”

  My jaw tightens so hard I’m afraid my teeth will crack. “Because I am!” I hiss. It’s hard to argue quietly.

  “That’s ridiculous,” he says, his tone perfectly even, as if we’re discussing the weather.

  I don’t know how he can remain so calm when I feel sick and ashamed and weak. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about!”

  “Then explain it to me.”

  I try to pull away, but he holds onto my wrists.

  “Explain, Lia,” he growls, finally starting to lose his patience. “What the hell happened to make you think you’re broken?”

  “Fine!” The words pour out of me, scalding my throat. “My first and only boyfriend – in high school – God, I was so fucking stupid!” Tears sting my eyes. “I thought I loved him. I thought he loved me. I was just a stupid kid, and I believed everything he said. I was special. It was true love. We were meant to be together. But I was an idiot! He was just playing me for what he could get. He – ” I have to stop, because tears are clogging my throat, choking me, and I can’t bear to cry in front of him.

  Jonah squeezes my hands, whether to offer me support or to prevent me from running, I’m not sure. His jaw tightens. “How old were you?”

  “Sixteen.”

  Jonah winces. “Shit.” Then he takes a deep breath. “What happened? What did he do?”

  I shake my head. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have said anything.” I can’t go there with him. It’s bad enough that I told Beth. I couldn’t bear for Jonah to know about that video.

  “I’m not giving up until you tell me, so you might as well get it over with. Just pull off that band-aid, right now. Rip it off, because we’re not moving from this spot until you tell me. And if you refuse, I’ll go beat down Shane’s door and get it out of him. And don’t think I’m bluffing, because I’ll do it.”

  Jonah’s not bluffing, I can tell. He’s literally vibrating with suppressed aggression. “All right, fine! He betrayed me.”

  His eyes narrow, and I can tell he’s digging in for the long haul. “How? Did he hurt you? Physically?” Jonah practically holds his breath as he waits for my answer.

  “No.”

  “Emotionally then.” Jonah releases one of my hands and scrubs his face with his hand. I know he’s frustrated, but I can’t tell him about the video. I’d never be able to get past the pity I’d see in his eyes. Already, I see sorrow there, and it’s ripping me up inside. I can almost feel my heart tearing.

  Rationally, I know he’s not Logan. He couldn’t be more different than Logan. While Logan was a cold-hearted bastard who never really cared about me, Jonah wears his heart on his sleeve, and he’s grieving right along with me even though he doesn’t even know the whole story. He just knows that I’m hurting.

  I don’t deserve Jonah. I don’t deserve this kind of unconditional – what? Love? And then it hits me like a ton of bricks. Jonah loves me. And I don’t deserve it.

  Desperate to stop my brain from going down that rabbit hole, I pull free and cup his face with my shaking hands. His lips are so beautifully formed – no man should have such beautiful lips. I lick my own lips, because right now I want him. I want to stop thinking and I just want to feel him, inside me and out.

  I lean into him and kiss him, catching the puff of warm air that escapes him on a gasp. I know he doesn’t want to drop this discussion – he thinks he can outlast me. Ha! Silly man, no one is more stubborn than I am. I lay my hands on his bare shoulders and press him back onto the mattress, then climb up over him, straddling his hips and pressing my sex against his penis, which is already half-hard. “Can we please stop talking and have sex? I want you.”

  He groans. “Lia – baby.”

  “No talking. Just fuck me.”

  Jonah scowls at me, and I think I managed to actually piss him off. “This is not just fucking, and you know it.”

  “Well, whatever it is, shut up and do it, okay?”

  Chapter 33

  To my surprise – and relief – he pulls me down and our mouths latch on to each other’s, and we breathe each other in. I can taste his frustration, and I regret causing it, but there’s nothing I can do to change my past. It is what it is, and I am who I am. There’s no changing that.

  “You’re way overdressed,” he says, trying to lighten the mood.

  “What are you going to do about it?”

  He grins. “Something I’ve been dying to do since the day I met you in Shane’s office. I’m going to strip you naked, and then lick every inch of your body from head to toe.” He reaches for the hem of my T-shirt, but then he hesitates.

  I hate the look of uncertainty on his face. I hate knowing what put it there. Desperate to move past it, I reach for my shirt, but he brushes my fingers aside and gently pulls it off me himself and tosses it aside. He stares at my bare breasts with blatant hunger. When his hands come up to palm me, his thumbs brush my sensitive nipples and the aching pleasure makes me whimper. My nipples pucker up into tight little knots, and I shiver violently.

  Feeling desperate for him, I start rocking my hips on his growing erection. I can feel the scorching heat of him through the soft material of his boxers.

  “We’ve got to get these off,” he says, reaching for the waistband of my shorts.

  I scramble off the bed to remove my shorts and try not to freak out. I hate being exposed like this. Jonah removes his boxers and tosses them onto the chair, then lies back on the mattress and pulls me down beside him so that we’re lying side by side. Kissing me, he rolls me onto my back and looms over me. He grips my chin and makes me look at him, all seriousness now. “It’s not just fucking, and you know it,” he says.

  He slips his hand between my legs and groans when he encounters hot, wet flesh. His finger slides easily through the wetness, then comes to rest on my clitoris, which he begins teasing with light strokes, making me shiver. He rubs his thumb on my clit in tiny little circles, and the firm pressure makes me squirm. Before long, I’m bucking my hips against his touch, seeking more.

  “Jonah, please.”

  He must know I’m close, because reaches beneath his pillow and pulls out a condom packet and rips it open. He quickly sheaths himself, then settles his hips between my thighs, his cock in his hand as he directs himself toward my opening. I’m so wet and ready, my arousal coats him quickly and he sinks deep. We both groan as he fills me.

  He starts to move, slowly at first, giving my body a chance to adjust to him. He glides in and out of me, his erection dragging deliciously along my sensitive flesh. He holds my gaze with his own, connecting us, refusing to let me hide from him. He finally sinks deep, then rolls us so that I’m on top.

  Dark memories of me being on top before hit me hard, like a blow to the stomach, and I feel sick. I roll off Jonah, intent on scrambling off the bed in search of my clothes.

  “Lia, wait! What’s wrong?” He catches me and pulls me back onto the bed.

  Rolling me onto my back, he rises up over me, shielding me under his
body as if he’s trying to protect me from the world. I look away, trying to block out the shame and the sick feelings swamping me.

  “Lia, talk to me, damn it. Let me help you.”

  I look at him and I’m overwhelmed by the raw emotion in his face. No one has ever opened himself up to me like this. No one has ever asked me to do the same. I’m so desperate to take him up on his offer, I can barely breathe. But I’m afraid. I brush my thumb across his lips and he squeezes his eyes shut, but I’m not sure if it’s from pleasure or pain.

  When he opens his eyes, I smile at him, but I know it’s a sad, broken smile. Time seems to have stopped, and all I can hear is the rain hitting the roof. Alone in this dark room, it’s like we’re the only two people in the world at the moment. Something unfurls inside me, and I make a decision I never thought I’d make. “When I was sixteen, I fell in love with a boy at school. His name was Logan.”

  Jonah says nothing. He’s as still as a stone statue.

  “Logan was a senior, the starting quarterback on the football team. He was a god on campus. All the guys wanted to be his buddy, and all the girls wanted to be his girlfriend. I was a sophomore, a nobody, and for some crazy reason, he wanted me. He started coming to my locker before and after school, he started walking me to my classes. He’d come to my table at lunch and ask if he could sit with me. I was blown away by his attention, and I fell crazy in love with him. Or so I thought.”

  “We’d been dating a few weeks when he invited me up to his bedroom one night. His parents were out for the evening, so we had the house to ourselves. One thing led to another, and we ended up in his bed. It was my first time, ever. I didn’t know it at the time, but he videotaped it.”

  “I was on top, and I was scared, and it hurt. I was in way over my head. I tried so hard to act like I wasn’t scared shitless, but in the end I cried like a baby. When I found out a few days later that he was two-timing me with another girl, I got angry and broke up with him. I made a scene in the cafeteria, embarrassing him in front of the other students. He retaliated by uploading the video to the internet, to an amateur porn site. The video went viral. Millions of people watched me lose my virginity, watched me raw and vulnerable. I was devastated. Absolutely gutted. If it weren’t for my family, I don’t think I would have survived the humiliation. My brothers taught me how to channel my grief and rage through martial arts, and after I graduated from high school, I went to work for Shane.”